Deciding to Be a Homemaker

Cooking and cleaning full time seems like an awful way to spend my day. I mean, seriously. Boring. And not just boring, but I can do so much more with my time if I don't have to cook and clean. I could save the world if I didn't have to cook or clean. I never understood people who hired others to clean their house for them, but I understand now. And they are brilliant thinkers.

There are other reasons why I have not wanted to full-time keep house. They are as follows:

1. I do not want to have "dead brain", or be a "zombie mommy".
I have seen women who dedicate their lives so much to housework that it's like they're not really "there" anymore. It's like they do nothing that stimulates their brain and they just go through life without living. I have been a zombie a couple times in my life and it's awful and I don't want that to happen to me, especially while taking care of my children.

2. Feels like a waste of time.
Until a month ago, I understood the value of housework, but just not the value of full-time housework. Isn't part-time enough? Because with the rest of my time, I could be saving the world one musicological article published at a time. (That's just one of the things I would love to do with extra time.)

3. I hate housework.
Okay, sometimes I like it, but I'm so slow that it becomes troublesome the fact that everything must be repeated--dishes must be done multiple times a day, etc. and it takes me forever! Rarely is the day when it feels like everything is clean. And I think that's what I hate about it--I'm never quite satisfied because it never seems to be perfect.

This was my thinking until about a month ago.

And before that month ago, I was constantly feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. (And, yes, I only have one child and live in a small two-bedroom apartment. ;)

And then I was in the temple and had some time to ponder. I was thinking of all the cool things I'd love to do and wanted to know how to do them. And then, a thought came into my mind, and I know it was Heavenly Father speaking to me. He said, "Annie. You just need to be a mom."

The thought kind-of shocked me. And then a peace overcame me and I knew that that was my answer. I needed to focus on what was most important. All-of-a-sudden it felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. I had one focus! Just one! And it felt amazing.

Heavenly Father knew that it was the right time for me to hear this. I don't think I would have heard Him if He had tried speaking to me about this a couple weeks before.

The last month has been awesome. When I'm not playing with or taking care of Adaline, I'm organizing the apartment. I've put stuff into a storage unit, taken loads to D.I., returned and mailed things to people, organized and organized. The home is now easier to keep clean and it's so cool! It's not like I have more time than I did before--it's just that my focus has changed. For some reason, when all of my thoughts were constantly on multiple things, I couldn't use my time wisely. Now it's so much easier! I even have the brain capacity to think about dinner and to make it!

I still have a long way to go until I'm even an averagely good homemaker, but I'm working at it and it's a fun challenge. I also know that not all of the coming days will be as exciting, but that's what my brain is for--to come up with better and funner ways of accomplishing things around the home and with Addie.

My new thought is that I don't have to change the world. But I can be the mother of those who change the world. And that is a cool thought.

Yesterday I listened to and read Julie B. Beck's talk titled "Mothers Who Know" and I remembered how amazing that talk is. I recommend that you read it and that you listen to her while you read the talk. Here are some excerpts that apply to my new focus:

"Mothers who know [the gospel of Jesus Christ and have strong testimonies of such] are nurturers... Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate... Growth happens best in a “house of order,” and women should pattern their homes after the Lord’s house (see D&C 109). Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work. Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women."

So. Cool. Read the talk.

In closing, I want all of you reading this to realize something. This is my blog. Not yours. This is my story. Heavenly Father has a different mission for each of us and it will not be the same, so everything I've said may not apply to you or may not be for you yet. I just wanted to make that clear. ;)

Oh, and if you're LDS then you should go to the temple often because Heavenly Father can prompt you in wonderful ways! And if you're not LDS, you should take the time to ponder for the same thing!

Love you all!

To All First-Time Mothers

It's hard. The end.

Haha--sorry, that wasn't very compassionate! With all of the information that is available about how much your baby should be eating, sleeping, pooping, etc., it's no wonder we rarely bother to read about ourselves. We skip over the post-partum depression checklist, we breeze through the post-pregnancy marital relations articles,  and every other mother we see seems to reflect a picture-perfect scenario, while I'm still struggling to take a shower by noon.

And when anyone asks how I like motherhood, I always give a "It's wonderful!" Because I know that it is and that it should be, even if I don't feel it 24/7--haha.

I'm going to share some of my "shocks", some of my tips, and I encourage all of you to create a blog post for other mothers. I am blessed to not be struggling being a first-time mom, but I believe that most new mothers struggle.

After you've created your post, I would love it if you pasted a link to your helpful post in the comments below.

Shocks

1. It's full-time work.

Now, this is an obvious. But seriously! Once I had Adaline, I think that was one thing that really hit home: there is no break. It's constant. And that can be a little overwhelming, especially if you like your freedom. And not "freedom" necessarily, but just not being able to do as many "normal" daily tasks as you used to do.

2. It's a constant guessing game. 

I thought it would be textbook figuring out how much Adaline should eat, when she should sleep, and what's wrong when she cries. I mean, there's so much information out there, it should be easy, right? (And it seemed so easy when I was watching other people's kids. ;) So, we play the guessing game until we get it all figured out and she's in a routine, and then--it changes. And you have to start all over again. ;)

3. Overflowing love is not 24/7.

I waited so long for Adaline, I thought I would be in a constant state of overwhelming love for her 24/7. Haha, yes, you can laugh! But hey--this was true for the first few months! I was seriously never angry and rarely frustrated (except at myself) for probably the first four months.

4. Anger and Anxiety.

I don't know if I've experience anxiety before. But I'm really glad that I'm able to recognize it. I don't know what happened once Addie turned 5 or 6 months, but it was like I had no patience anymore--haha. I think I assumed that because she was older, she wouldn't cry as much, and it would be easier to know what she's crying about. This is entirely not true. (At least for my child.) 

What I've done to overcome this is pure mental effort. And it takes practice. First, I recognize my emotions, then I mentally calm myself (not to the point where I'm dead to the world, that's different and not good) and at the same time, I humble myself. It's like pushing down a brick wall with your bare hands. I call upon Heavenly Father and I make sure I'm prepared to receive any inspiration He will give me. I'm willing to think about how to help Addie without getting overwhelmed or angry. I'm able to respond in a way that is positive. And I'm still learning. 

Tips

1. GET OUTSIDE.

Mothers, you must take a step outside at least once everyday and that does not include walking to the car in order to get inside and drive somewhere. Even if it's a blizzard--put on a coat, wrap your baby up, and stand outside for 5 minutes. Just get outside!

2. EXERCISE.

I know this word can create a bad taste in some people's mouths, but exercise doesn't have to be this really hard thing. It can just be going outside for a stroll. It can be dancing with your child around the house. There are not many stairs to get to my apartment, but I run up them anyway whenever I come home. ;) Little things like that will help you to keep up some energy. 

If you seriously need exercise, though, try to find what motivates you. Most of the time the best thing is a work-out buddy. Get one of these ASAP if you really need to exercise more. Or if you're not too prideful, have your husband hold you accountable. ;) Be honest with yourself when figuring out what works.

3. EAT HEALTHY.

Hey--if you're not eating healthy, you're not going to have the energy you need to be patient, loving, informed, happy, etc. The first lesson I learned about eating while having a baby is 1) take the time and 2) when you have the time, don't multi-task! If you multi-task, you won't finish eating before something happens. So, when it's time to eat, just sit there and eat.

4. One thing at a time.

Everyday I plan to get one thing done. Dishes. Laundry. Bathroom. And if I don't get it done, I don't hate myself. I just tell myself what my priorities are, and sometimes dishes just doesn't quite make it as a priority that day. Remember--your priorities are the baby and your husband, and when there's a newborn, sometimes those two priorities get flip-flopped back and forth. And remember--you can try tomorrow. (And if you don't get them done the next day, ask your husband for help and don't feel like a failure.) 

Oh, and even after 7 months, my goal is still to get Addie and myself ready by lunchtime. I'm hoping this will help some of you out there feel better about yourselves. ;)

5. BE WITH OTHER WOMEN

Never underestimate what this can do for you. If your church congregation/ward does not have a mother's group, think about starting one. Find someone who will help so you don't have to plan everything on your own. Spend time with other women!!

6. Take time for God.

Addie and I read scriptures together everyday. Even at 7 months, she loves to read books with pictures, but doesn't care much for the scriptures--haha. I read them in my most exciting and adventurous voice possible, and sometimes it works. Sometimes we get through a couple verses, and sometimes it's a chapter. If I don't get my personal scripture study done for the day, I feel that at least I've read something--and it was with Addie.

P.S. Short prayers count.

Tip before you have the baby

1. Start healthy habits, including going to mother's groups, before the baby comes. For the first few months, you might not feel like you need to socialize--or that you need many of the tips above--but later, you will definitely need them!!

Some other stuff

I love this scripture:

"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young" (Isaiah 40:11).

I have a document of scriptures and quotes that are really helpful during hard times. Click here to access it. Post these around the house to help you!

Most new mothers struggle. A lot. And even after the first baby, mothers struggle! But if you try to handle it by yourself, you're not going to make it. (Or if you do, will you still have your sanity? ;) I beg  you to listen to what your body, mind and emotions tell you, then find ways to overcome any difficulties that arise. Stay open with your husband, but you can't depend entirely on him. You have to depend on yourself, your husband, your family, and the support group of other mothers and people in your community and church. 

And, people! If you notice someone post a status on facebook that obviously sounds like they're struggling, don't just make a comment that says "I'm sorry, I'll pray for you." People! Give them a call or a visit. Seriously.

Follow my tips and make your own! Put them on your blog, and paste the link to it in my comments. :)